Never in a million years did I think I would be the person I am today
I can’t stress enough how different I am today vs the person I was up until 3 and a half years ago. It still shocks me to this day just how much I have changed, how much I have grown and how much I have evolved in a few short years.
I used to fill my body with junk food and booze, stay up all night partying with my friends, take hours upon hours to get my hair and makeup just right, and spend all my money on material items like shoes, purses and more clothes than I could ever possibly wear. I was as shallow and superficial as they come and cared more about how I looked to the outside world than I’d like to admit. I sought out validation wherever I could find that, whether that was in material objects or a relationship. I was so unhappy with who I was, so I was constantly trying to alter my physical appearance because I thought if I could fit into society’s standards of beauty, I would be happier with myself. I was that girl who wore the skin tight dress, a face full of caked on makeup and heels that felt like my own personal hell.
I drank every weekend for as long as I could remember. Never for the taste, always for the buzz. I was a different person when I drank. All of a sudden, all my reservations disappeared and sometimes even my morals left too. It was easier to just be myself when I was drunk, because I was so uncomfortable with who I was when I was sober. I wasn’t proud of the person I was, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.
I would lose myself in the guys that I dated, often compromising my own integrity. I would become this small, voiceless creature who allowed my boyfriends to yell at me, make me cry, call me horrible names and made me feel smaller than small. I would always tell myself things would get better or they would change. They didn’t. I was afraid to let go because I didn’t want to be alone. Even when I realized I deserved better, it was still hard for me to accept that I would find another person who would know me as well as my current boyfriend did. At the end of the day, I think I held on to our friendships more than I did our actual relationships. Either way, I hurt myself just as much as they did. I hurt myself by not valuing my self worth, by not standing up for myself and for being a doormat for so many years. This all circles back to the fact that I was looking for validation in all the wrong places. Who was then is not who I am today, and for that, I am grateful.
I wasn’t religious even though I spent 14 years in Catholic schools. My mom came from a very religious Portuguese household and my dad was a self-proclaimed agnostic. Religion was not prominent in our household. We never went to church on Sundays, we didn’t pray before our meals and I don’t even think we owned a Bible. Coming from a home where religion wasn’t really a thing yet going to Catholic school for so many years was a strange existence. I don’t know when I stopped believing in God, probably when I hit 12 years old, but eventually after so many years of having one religion shoved down my throat, it left a sour taste in my mouth. At school, we recited countless prayers throughout the day, attended masses at the local church, had to occasionally confess our sins to a priest, participated in giving up something (i.e., soda, chocolate, television) for 40 days during Lent and took regular religion classes.
It wasn’t until I went vegan that everything in my life shifted, as I previously mentioned here. I felt a shift in my soul when I decided to no longer participate in the harming of animals. I always knew it was wrong, on an ethical level, but my actions never aligned with my soul beliefs. The floodgates opened and all sorts of changes started manifesting in my life. I felt lighter and my soul finally felt at peace. I embraced an organic, cruelty free, non toxic lifestyle and it paved the way for my own spiritual practice. I don’t even know how it really, truly started. I remember suddenly understanding that we are all One and that the Universe is always looking out for us. I began to appreciate Mother Nature and all that she had to offer. I watched The Secret and learned about abundance and the power of manifestation and visualization. I went and saw different psychic mediums and allowed Spirit to convey messages. I started reading about the healing powers of crystals and began my own crystal collection. I researched earth-based religions and learned about their belief system. I paid for a subscription from Gaia, which houses endless documentaries related to health, longevity, science, spirituality and more. I started practicing yoga and mindfulness.
I was uncovering so much about the person I was becoming. I was developing my own belief system, finding what worked best for me. The problem was, no one in my circle was really going through the same thing. Yes, they were vegan, not religious but spiritual and believed in the Universe, but we weren’t on the same level. I was focused on going deeper and deeper, learning as much as I can and applying what was relevant to my daily life. Then I met Jen. We met via Instagram because we were both vegan, but after we started talking we realized just how similar we were as individuals and how much we had in common, besides veganism. I finally had someone I could talk to about all things spiritual, someone who completely understood where I was coming from and never once thought what I was saying was ridiculous. Jen has been a huge factor in my spiritual journey. She was always quick to recommend books, documentaries or products she thought I might like. She always had the answer to any spiritual question I could come up with. I’ve learned and continue to learn so much from her, every time I speak to or visit her. She is an overflowing wealth of knowledge and I am quick to soak up all that she has to offer. It has been so rewarding having Jen as a best friend and soul sister; someone who understands me on my soul level, someone who shares the sames value and beliefs, someone who I can talk to openly without any judgement, someone who always reminds me to let go of what is no longer serving me and to trust in the divine power of the Universe, someone who is pure magic in her own soul. I am blessed that our paths crossed. So much of who I’ve become is because of who she is and the friend she has been over the past 2 years.
Today, I am deeply rooted in who I am, what I believe in and how I choose to live my life. I choose to live my life as purely and simply as I can. I’ve learned to trust in the Universe, and what I put out is what I shall receive. I’ve learned to be careful with who I invest my energy into because not everyone is good for my soul. I’ve learned that every person comes into your life to teach you great lessons. I’ve learned that detaching from societal norms and standards is so incredibly freeing. I’ve learned that eating a high vibrational diet makes you feel lighter, happier, healthier and more in tune with the Universe. I’ve learned that the phases of the moon and alignment of the planets play a role in our behaviours. I’ve learned the importance of getting outside, unplugging and spending time in nature. I’ve learned that experiences are much more gratifying than material possessions. I’ve learned to turn off the television because it is filled with mind numbing programs. I’ve learned that the Universe always gives you what you need, not necessarily what you want.
I believe in the power of the Universe. I believe in the power of thought. I believe in the healing powers of crystals and reiki. I believe in honouring the cycles of our Mother. I believe in synchronicity. I believe in smudging as a form to release negative energies. I believe in the sacred power of sisterhood. I believe in yoga and meditation. I believe in cleansing old and stagnant energies. I believe in plant medicine. I believe in aromatherapy. I believe in guidance from the angels. I believe in oracle cards. I believe in the philosophy behind earth-based religions. I believe in protecting yourself against EMFs. I believe in an organic diet. I believe in extra-terrestrial beings. I believe that magic is alive and well. I believe in reincarnation. I believe in naturally honouring your body during your moon cycle. I believe in fate. I believe in soulmates. I believe that Love is the answer. I believe in Oneness. I believe that everything happens for a reason, whether you understand the reasoning or not. I believe that God, Source Energy, the Universe, whatever you want to call it, is not a man in the sky, but instead, everything around and within us.
So there you have it
The story of how I came to be the person I am today
Love and Light,